How do nights keep getting away from me? I had such a productive day, and then I got back to my room at 8:00 (two hours ago now) with the intent of reading more of The Aeneid... and somehow I haven't done anything in the meantime. Except submit a story to the school literary magazine. I guess that's something.
I am tired. Not sleep-deprivation tired, just exhausted. I've been sick for a few days - well, since Saturday night, really - and it just has knocked life out of me. I've had to resort to drinking tea. This is how you know I'm in pain.
Also, okay, slight detour to rant: I bought some day-time cold medicine at the student store today, and it cost $8.50! What?! There's no way it should be that expensive. They extort us poor dying students with no cars and nowhere else to go. Bah, I say. BAH.
(Because colds evidently turn me into an angry sheep. We are not surprised.)
[... an angry sheep who refers to herself by the Royal We.]
Okay. Enough parentheticals.
Anyway. My goals for the weekend were to get more sleep and do a lot of homework. I kind of failed at both. But it was a good weekend, at any rate. I spent Saturday in the set-shop, learning how to use power-tools and saws and things. It will be empowering, I think, once I learn how to not be afraid of everything. That said, it was a fabulous time. The crew is made up of a bunch of really fun people and we had a blast. I can't really remember what I did on Saturday night; possibly some homework, possibly some procrastination. Sunday followed its regular routine with church and brunch. I came back to my room at around 2, did some homework, and then fell asleep for three hours. I really don't remember much after that; yesterday was not my best day, health- and conscious-wise. Oh! I do remember that I went to the floor Bible study last night. My RA started one, and only four or five of us go... but it's really nice. I look forward to it all Sunday.
Today I knocked out quite a few things on my daily to-do list (I fill a page with bullet-points every day - only about half of them get crossed off by the time I go to bed. But the knowledge of that inevitability doesn't stop me from writing them all out, anyway.). Not anything fascinating enough to write about; I just wanted you to know that I worked hard. ;) I did do a pretty cool project for my Theater Survey class, however. Our assignment was "create a visual response to Trojan Women", so I made a collage comprised of images of Oxnard and Troy together. Under the torn edges of these pictures, I put a picture of my face that someone took during a mime presentation - it's a very dramatic, anguished sort of face. (I thought this was appropriate because, first of all, it's a very dramatic, anguishing sort of play; but also because in class we've been talking about how masks were used in traditional Greek theater, because the Greeks felt that masks were actually more expressive than a naked human face.) And along the side, looking very stern and shadowy, is Athena - whom the Trojans were not particularly fond of. Anyway... I like it. ;)
The weather has gotten a bit warmer - today it was about 70 degrees. Or so they said. It felt much cooler than that, but I think that's due to the breeze. In any case, it's been sunny, which is nice. And I can see the stars at night again. The moon is also coming back around - in a few nights, I should be able to see her from my window again.
Time for more tea. I wish I had honey... hm. I'll have to think of a way to smuggle some out of the cafeteria. (The first time I wrote "snuggle". I like honey but I don't think I'd like to snuggle with it.)
Alright. Tea and reading. Goodnight.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
I picture you out there; it must be beautiful this time of year.
It's been getting steadily colder here in Wheaton, but today was the first completely gray, dreary, drizzly day we've had. I absolutely loved it.
I wore my jacket, scarf and boots and wandered around between classes with a thermos of coffee and my copy of The Aeneid. I was also out of my room more today than I have been most days, I think, which was a refreshing change. Breakfast at 8:30, French at 9:15, and I'd normally march to chapel as a member of the stream of students on routine, but today I went back to my room for awhile instead. I finished a paper for Lit, worked on a project for Beth and Kayleigh (whose birthdays are both coming up - ONE YEAR FOR MY TINY NIECE!) and then went to Literature at 12:45. I didn't end up going to lunch because I wasn't hungry today. Bible is right after Lit; our professor began class by showing us the newest long trailer for Les Miserables, which I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT!!!!!, but that was the most interesting part of class. Unfortunately. Why can't a class about the Church and our culture be more interesting? It's disheartening. Anyway, at 3:05 we finished - and after very nearly falling asleep several times in class (sleep and I did not meet much this week), I headed out into the ever-wintering world outside. I got a coffee at Sam's (the little cafe in the Student Center) and went over to the library cafe to meet a French guy.
... Sorry, I just wanted to say that. Actually, it's a required part of my Intermediate French class - once every two weeks, we have to meet with a conversation aid and have a twenty minute conversation, en francais. It went fairly well, I think - although I've now developed a stutter in French, too. I'll need to get over that.
But sheesh, it is SO frustrating, not knowing the words to say what you want to say. I have such respect for non-English speakers who move to America and try to learn our crazy language. It's so humbling to KNOW what you want to say, and not know the words in that language to say it with. Words. Agh. Murder.
That was the tiring, slightly dreary half of my day - but the last half was fabulous. When I left the library, it was just starting to rain. I was in rebellion at the idea of returning to my room and doing homework, because that's all I've been doing in my spare time this week... so I called Amelia, who I haven't spoken to more than once in this entire month, and we talked for a good hour or so while I wandered around downtown Wheaton in the rain. It was so lovely. I was really struck by how incredibly nostalgic today's weather made me feel - it was the first time this month that something here in Illinois has reminded me of California. Not that we often have gray, drizzly days in California - but they come in the autumn, sometimes, and it seems to put everyone in such a festive, cheerful mood. We have seasons for a day. It just feels right, you know? Those are the days that we Californians get to wear the jackets and the scarves that we keep in our closets all year, just waiting for a chance to break them out. They're the days when we complain about being cold, but we do it with rosy cheeks and a smile. They're the days when we make ourselves hot chocolate after dinner, and when we get distracted from studying for our midterms when we look out the window to see whether or not it's still raining. They're the only days when we really notice our trees - whether or not their leaves change color, they do look more beautiful when they're wet. They're the days that reminded me, today, of my autumns spent in the houses of my friends, working on crafts and listening to Christmas music. Glitter and pumpkins. Warm muffins. Spicy cider. Candles. Blankets and the sound of raindrops hitting the windowpanes.
The houses I passed this afternoon as I walked down the old neighborhood streets downtown, where trees line the sidewalks and form a ceiling of leaves over the road, each seemed to be filled with this kind of autumnal contentment. Somehow all of their windows seemed to glow with that light, that embodiment of cheer and warmth. I was so reminded of the living rooms of my friends throughout the autumns past that it felt like I should be able to simply walk up one of these driveways, open the front door, and be greeted by a host of voices that I know and love. But then I'd hear Amelia's voice on my phone, from thousands of miles away, ask me something like, "So have you met any cool people?" And I'd remember that those living rooms are in California, and I'm not.
It's alright. It is. I mean, I'd be a liar if I said that I didn't miss those rooms, and the people who inhabit them - but I'm finding my place here. And really, it's a nice thing, I think, that my place in Illinois is capable of making me think fondly of my place in California.
I talked to Amelia until 6, at which time I met Gretchen for dinner. Then, along with another girl, we went to Target and spent awhile shopping around for various necessary items. My final winnings included tortilla chips, yoga pants, and a big baggy shirt with The Beatles and the union-jack on it. Yes, I am a classy college student. Once we got back to our room, Gretchen and I pushed homework off even further and did some cleaning. She eventually got around to studying, I think, but I did a load of laundry and then talked to Megan and Kate on the phone for about an hour. I was considering reading more of Virgil tonight, but I started writing here instead - and now I'm starting to doze. It's only 12:13, but I am supremely tired. It's been a long week. AND, tomorrow I'm going to spend all day in the theater building, working on set-crew. I hear they will be serving us donuts... I can only pray that there will be coffee, too.
I hope things are well with you; do try and get some rest tonight. The world needs more well-rested people.
By the by, it's too cloudy tonight to see any stars or planets. But the wet pavement shines nicely with the glow of streetlamps, and that's good enough for me tonight. Goodnight.
I wore my jacket, scarf and boots and wandered around between classes with a thermos of coffee and my copy of The Aeneid. I was also out of my room more today than I have been most days, I think, which was a refreshing change. Breakfast at 8:30, French at 9:15, and I'd normally march to chapel as a member of the stream of students on routine, but today I went back to my room for awhile instead. I finished a paper for Lit, worked on a project for Beth and Kayleigh (whose birthdays are both coming up - ONE YEAR FOR MY TINY NIECE!) and then went to Literature at 12:45. I didn't end up going to lunch because I wasn't hungry today. Bible is right after Lit; our professor began class by showing us the newest long trailer for Les Miserables, which I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT!!!!!, but that was the most interesting part of class. Unfortunately. Why can't a class about the Church and our culture be more interesting? It's disheartening. Anyway, at 3:05 we finished - and after very nearly falling asleep several times in class (sleep and I did not meet much this week), I headed out into the ever-wintering world outside. I got a coffee at Sam's (the little cafe in the Student Center) and went over to the library cafe to meet a French guy.
... Sorry, I just wanted to say that. Actually, it's a required part of my Intermediate French class - once every two weeks, we have to meet with a conversation aid and have a twenty minute conversation, en francais. It went fairly well, I think - although I've now developed a stutter in French, too. I'll need to get over that.
But sheesh, it is SO frustrating, not knowing the words to say what you want to say. I have such respect for non-English speakers who move to America and try to learn our crazy language. It's so humbling to KNOW what you want to say, and not know the words in that language to say it with. Words. Agh. Murder.
That was the tiring, slightly dreary half of my day - but the last half was fabulous. When I left the library, it was just starting to rain. I was in rebellion at the idea of returning to my room and doing homework, because that's all I've been doing in my spare time this week... so I called Amelia, who I haven't spoken to more than once in this entire month, and we talked for a good hour or so while I wandered around downtown Wheaton in the rain. It was so lovely. I was really struck by how incredibly nostalgic today's weather made me feel - it was the first time this month that something here in Illinois has reminded me of California. Not that we often have gray, drizzly days in California - but they come in the autumn, sometimes, and it seems to put everyone in such a festive, cheerful mood. We have seasons for a day. It just feels right, you know? Those are the days that we Californians get to wear the jackets and the scarves that we keep in our closets all year, just waiting for a chance to break them out. They're the days when we complain about being cold, but we do it with rosy cheeks and a smile. They're the days when we make ourselves hot chocolate after dinner, and when we get distracted from studying for our midterms when we look out the window to see whether or not it's still raining. They're the only days when we really notice our trees - whether or not their leaves change color, they do look more beautiful when they're wet. They're the days that reminded me, today, of my autumns spent in the houses of my friends, working on crafts and listening to Christmas music. Glitter and pumpkins. Warm muffins. Spicy cider. Candles. Blankets and the sound of raindrops hitting the windowpanes.
The houses I passed this afternoon as I walked down the old neighborhood streets downtown, where trees line the sidewalks and form a ceiling of leaves over the road, each seemed to be filled with this kind of autumnal contentment. Somehow all of their windows seemed to glow with that light, that embodiment of cheer and warmth. I was so reminded of the living rooms of my friends throughout the autumns past that it felt like I should be able to simply walk up one of these driveways, open the front door, and be greeted by a host of voices that I know and love. But then I'd hear Amelia's voice on my phone, from thousands of miles away, ask me something like, "So have you met any cool people?" And I'd remember that those living rooms are in California, and I'm not.
It's alright. It is. I mean, I'd be a liar if I said that I didn't miss those rooms, and the people who inhabit them - but I'm finding my place here. And really, it's a nice thing, I think, that my place in Illinois is capable of making me think fondly of my place in California.
I talked to Amelia until 6, at which time I met Gretchen for dinner. Then, along with another girl, we went to Target and spent awhile shopping around for various necessary items. My final winnings included tortilla chips, yoga pants, and a big baggy shirt with The Beatles and the union-jack on it. Yes, I am a classy college student. Once we got back to our room, Gretchen and I pushed homework off even further and did some cleaning. She eventually got around to studying, I think, but I did a load of laundry and then talked to Megan and Kate on the phone for about an hour. I was considering reading more of Virgil tonight, but I started writing here instead - and now I'm starting to doze. It's only 12:13, but I am supremely tired. It's been a long week. AND, tomorrow I'm going to spend all day in the theater building, working on set-crew. I hear they will be serving us donuts... I can only pray that there will be coffee, too.
I hope things are well with you; do try and get some rest tonight. The world needs more well-rested people.
By the by, it's too cloudy tonight to see any stars or planets. But the wet pavement shines nicely with the glow of streetlamps, and that's good enough for me tonight. Goodnight.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
In lieu of an actual blog-posting...
I didn't have time to write both. ;)
Good afternoon, Dad!
I was going to say "good morning", but it is getting on towards noon for you, so I believe my salutation to be appropriate.
Thank you for your note - it's always nice to come back to my room and find a word from home. It does, however, always fill me with a regret that I wasn't the first one to write. I know you understand business - even more than I do - but it has been a particularly crazy week for me. Tomorrow is Friday and I can't wait. My brain is at the end of its wits. Also, I need to set aside time to update my blog. It has fallen profusely behind.
I'm so sorry to hear about our sick and leprous van, but even more sorry to hear about your 52 minute stroll. Why did you not just sleep in your office? I hope the weather was nice, at the very least. In recent nights here, a midnight walk home would not be very enjoyable. Lately the skies get cloudy at night and block out the moon and stars - not to mention it is usually in the low 40's after sundown. Although occasionally I can still see a planet from my window; that's how I de-stress before going to bed, after I've been doing homework for hours and hours. If you were to wander the streets of Wheaton's campus in the early hours of the morning and look up, you would see a window lined with twinkle-lights whose inhabitant is leaning on a windowsill, chin in hands, searching the skies for something familiar.
Where are you planting all of these vegetables? I should very much like to see what the garden looks like currently; it sounds quite exciting. How are Zacchaeus and sickly Argus? How is Frederic? Has Kate been watering the small plant in my room? I thought about my room yesterday and was filled with a very strange disconnect. I decided not to think about it further.
Also, what Noah and The Whale have you been listening to? I knew the song "Five Years Time" before I came to school, but that was as far as my knowledge of them went. Then one day I randomly had it stuck in my head, so I played it - and then discovered other wonders, such as Blue Skies, Our Window, and Shape of My Heart. I just love their sound.
My eyes are hurting these days from so much reading. As it happens, almost all of my classes right now (with the exception of French) are giving me classical Greek literature to read - whether or not the class has anything to do with literature. I have read The Odyssey, Oedipus Rex, Trojan Women and am currently wading through The Aeneid - all in the past week or two. The names are playing hell-fire with my mind. Today in a discussion of Trojan Women I started referencing Greek characters; and the gods - zeus! - I wish that the Greeks and the Romans would decide and agree on ONE name for each one. I am exhausting every character-glossary in the book. Or should I say, bookS.
Last night I wrote my paper on evangelicalism. I will send it along to you soon, as you had quite a bit of influence on it. By the way, I feel that it is important to stress the fact that I FINISHED this paper - and it's not due until tomorrow. This is a victory for me. What else? The French test went well, I think. I'm expecting a low A or a high B. Also, I don't think I told you about my first day in Workout when we spoke on Tuesday night. Which is surprising. Today is our second day, so I'll be heading out in about an hour. There's apparently a nice tradition of eating dinner together, directly after Workout, on Tuesdays and Thursdays; so that's something to look forward to, too. Anyway, we can talk about Workout when next we speak. It is very strange, and a little frightening at moments - but I think it's a good kind of frightening. I think it will be very good for me. Also, a nice thing about it is that you can wear whatever comfy clothes you want - which means that some people wear pajamas. I think today I will wear the red flannel button-up that you handed down to me. I've been wearing it at nights when I do homework, by the way. It's a good cozy thing to have. Speaking of cozy, tell Mom thank you for forcing me to bring that extra blanket.
Well, I have to do some French homework and read another 100 pages of the Aeneid so that I can write a paper on it - for tomorrow morning. Agh. My coffee pot and I will be burning the late-night oil for yet another evening.
Maybe I will find a planet tonight, though. That would be nice.
Thank you again for keeping me updated about things going on at home. I do love to hear from you. Also, I hope your Thursday is better than your weird Wednesday. Give my love to the girls, and call Suki a particularly creative and vicious name.
Much love,
Roger
Friday, September 14, 2012
Hey kid, it's just what I needed today.
I'm sitting on the floor of my dorm room, horrible florescent out and cheery twinkle-lights on, with some brilliant person's youtube playlist playing "Five Years Time" by Noah and The Whale to me. It's midnight, and I'm waking up in 6 1/2 hours... and as long as I'm up, I really should be finishing Oedipus Rex (which I ALWAYS sound out phonetically in my mind whenever I see it printed... it's horrible) or writing a paper. Or two papers. But I'm not. I've been spending too many nights hunched over notebooks and typing up papers; I'm taking tonight off. Well, at least this next half hour or so. And then I'll give in and go to bed.
Speaking of bed... I AM incredibly tired. So this will be brief. (We'll see... I always say that, and then it never is.)
The last few days have been really busy, and really good. Wednesday was fairly normal, with the exception that the fire alarm in the cafeteria went off literally the second I opened the door to go in and eat lunch. So the whole building was evacuated and nobody was allowed back inside for a good half hour - at which time I had to go to class, so I didn't eat lunch that day. But I did run into the pastor of the church I've been going to; he waved me down and we spent a good 20-25 minutes talking about our families and literature. I'd say it was a lunch break well-spent; I've promised to look up his son's photography magazine, and he's promised to read The Little Prince.
Wednesday was also the beginning of a large number of happy run-ins with people congratulating me on getting into Workout. Some were people who have been hearing me talk about it through the whole process; some were people I hardly even knew. Gretchen's been really sweet about it, and has been telling all her friends that her roommate got in - and then she reports back to me, with things like, "So-and-so was so excited that you got in in your first year - that's huge!" Apparently new people don't usually get in for their first year. So that's cool. She also said that that meant they saw something "extraordinary" in me, which I think confirms my secret suspicion that Workout members are actually superheroes in disguise. Also, one girl who's already in Workout found me the other day and gave me this big hug and said, "I'm just so excited for you. When I found out that you got in, I thought, this is gonna be a good year." That made me pretty darn happy.
So Wednesday night, Gretchen and I went out for frozen yogurt to celebrate with two girls who live a few floors down, and that was lovely.
Nothing extraordinary happened on Thursday during the day, but at 5:30 I met my Theater Survey class in front of the theater awning and we boarded a school bus, Chicago-bound. Downtown, crammed in between so many buildings that you wouldn't see it unless you were really hunting for it, stands The House Theater. It's a fabulously small, over-decorated, quirky, old-fashioned and yet very modern place. The play we saw was called The Iron Stag King, Part I - and it was brilliant. Agh, describing it would take too long - suffice it to say, I loved it. The staging itself was genius. ACK. PROFESSIONAL THEATER. SO GOOD. We're going to see three professional plays, total, this semester - and for each one, we're supposed to write up a play report right afterwards. And since our professor wants us each to develop our own opinions, we weren't allowed to talk about the play on the 40 minute drive home. That was SO FRUSTRATING. I got back to my dorm at about 11:30 and wrote until 1:30; and any time that I ran into a classmate today, my first question was always, "Did you write your paper yet?" And then we'd debate opinions and such. I love this part of school.
Today has felt very long - I think it's because I spend Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays being in and out of so many different buildings and parts of the campus that it begins to feel like one day is really made up of several. I finished my classes at 3:05 today, studied in my room until dinner, had dinner with some other girls, and then holed up in the library for a few hours. At 9:45 I headed across campus to go to the first Workout meeting. It was only about a half hour long - long enough to make some introductions, then stand in a circle and grow very quiet for a few solid minutes, and then receive our instructions for tomorrow. It's the Workout Retreat, so we'll be gone all day - only, nobody but the director and the seniors know where we're going. All we were told was "wear comfortable clothes". Oh, and we're not allowed to speak to each other until we get to our destination. I am intrigued.
But mostly I'm just incredibly excited. I'm starting to feel like myself again, and it's wonderful to be plugged into a group like this one.
I just really need to make sure that I don't let myself procrastinate in school so much, now that time is going to be a bit... limited, shall we say. Cause I've got two papers due this next week, and a French test... and I haven't really done what I need to do to prepare for those things yet. Ah well... I've still got a few days, right? ;)
I just zoned out and stared at the twinkle-lights for about five minutes. I'm going to bed.
Speaking of bed... I AM incredibly tired. So this will be brief. (We'll see... I always say that, and then it never is.)
The last few days have been really busy, and really good. Wednesday was fairly normal, with the exception that the fire alarm in the cafeteria went off literally the second I opened the door to go in and eat lunch. So the whole building was evacuated and nobody was allowed back inside for a good half hour - at which time I had to go to class, so I didn't eat lunch that day. But I did run into the pastor of the church I've been going to; he waved me down and we spent a good 20-25 minutes talking about our families and literature. I'd say it was a lunch break well-spent; I've promised to look up his son's photography magazine, and he's promised to read The Little Prince.
Wednesday was also the beginning of a large number of happy run-ins with people congratulating me on getting into Workout. Some were people who have been hearing me talk about it through the whole process; some were people I hardly even knew. Gretchen's been really sweet about it, and has been telling all her friends that her roommate got in - and then she reports back to me, with things like, "So-and-so was so excited that you got in in your first year - that's huge!" Apparently new people don't usually get in for their first year. So that's cool. She also said that that meant they saw something "extraordinary" in me, which I think confirms my secret suspicion that Workout members are actually superheroes in disguise. Also, one girl who's already in Workout found me the other day and gave me this big hug and said, "I'm just so excited for you. When I found out that you got in, I thought, this is gonna be a good year." That made me pretty darn happy.
So Wednesday night, Gretchen and I went out for frozen yogurt to celebrate with two girls who live a few floors down, and that was lovely.
Nothing extraordinary happened on Thursday during the day, but at 5:30 I met my Theater Survey class in front of the theater awning and we boarded a school bus, Chicago-bound. Downtown, crammed in between so many buildings that you wouldn't see it unless you were really hunting for it, stands The House Theater. It's a fabulously small, over-decorated, quirky, old-fashioned and yet very modern place. The play we saw was called The Iron Stag King, Part I - and it was brilliant. Agh, describing it would take too long - suffice it to say, I loved it. The staging itself was genius. ACK. PROFESSIONAL THEATER. SO GOOD. We're going to see three professional plays, total, this semester - and for each one, we're supposed to write up a play report right afterwards. And since our professor wants us each to develop our own opinions, we weren't allowed to talk about the play on the 40 minute drive home. That was SO FRUSTRATING. I got back to my dorm at about 11:30 and wrote until 1:30; and any time that I ran into a classmate today, my first question was always, "Did you write your paper yet?" And then we'd debate opinions and such. I love this part of school.
Today has felt very long - I think it's because I spend Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays being in and out of so many different buildings and parts of the campus that it begins to feel like one day is really made up of several. I finished my classes at 3:05 today, studied in my room until dinner, had dinner with some other girls, and then holed up in the library for a few hours. At 9:45 I headed across campus to go to the first Workout meeting. It was only about a half hour long - long enough to make some introductions, then stand in a circle and grow very quiet for a few solid minutes, and then receive our instructions for tomorrow. It's the Workout Retreat, so we'll be gone all day - only, nobody but the director and the seniors know where we're going. All we were told was "wear comfortable clothes". Oh, and we're not allowed to speak to each other until we get to our destination. I am intrigued.
But mostly I'm just incredibly excited. I'm starting to feel like myself again, and it's wonderful to be plugged into a group like this one.
I just really need to make sure that I don't let myself procrastinate in school so much, now that time is going to be a bit... limited, shall we say. Cause I've got two papers due this next week, and a French test... and I haven't really done what I need to do to prepare for those things yet. Ah well... I've still got a few days, right? ;)
I just zoned out and stared at the twinkle-lights for about five minutes. I'm going to bed.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
ps.
Just checked my mailbox (which I actually couldn't open on my own... thank you, random girl who helped me). And guess what?
I GOT INTO WORKOUT!
(Meaning the theater group. So when I refer to 'Workout' from now on, that's what I mean. I have not been overwhelmed by a new zeal for exercise.)
SO PSYCHED. YAY!
I GOT INTO WORKOUT!
(Meaning the theater group. So when I refer to 'Workout' from now on, that's what I mean. I have not been overwhelmed by a new zeal for exercise.)
SO PSYCHED. YAY!
9/11
Shortly after I turned off my computer before I went to bed, I realized that today is September 11th. It's always a surreal feeling, every year, realizing that. There are many things that can be said about that, many reasons that it feels that way - that it's still shocking, after eleven years, that the event even happened. That such evil and hatred and base violence could happen on our own soil; that it could happen by the hand of men; that man can be so wicked. That even though many of us didn't know the victims, and have never been to New York, we still somehow feel involved. That whole generations, including those who weren't yet born, have promised to "Never Forget". That our eyes still water and our stomachs feel sick when we see images of the burning buildings; of people jumping from windows hundreds of stories up.
People always talk about where they were when they heard what had happened that morning, or when they saw the story unfold on the news. My memory of that day is very different - I came downstairs to get breakfast, and found Mom on the phone in front of the TV, weeping. I don't remember what was showing on the TV - just how my mom looked as she watched. In a way I feel guilty about that; it's like every American can remember what they saw and how they felt as they watched the Towers burn and fall, but I have no memory of watching it myself. As hard as I try to remember, all I can see is that silent display of human grief and compassion that was taking place in my living room. And as much as I grieve and sympathize with the people who lost loved ones that day, that is the image that I'll never forget.
Nobody on campus has even mentioned 9/11 today. I came back from lunch just now, turned on my computer, and had a Facebook newsfeed full of pictures and Bible verses and more slogans about "remembering". I've spent the last 45 minutes looking at those posts, reading articles, looking at National Geographic websites and photos from that day. My heart is broken for this world. It's impossible to understand why such horrible things happen; I can't even understand the things themselves.
It's necessary for us to be able to go on with our lives - we can't just be paralyzed by fear. But on days like today, it's difficult to think about just "going on with our lives" when the images on our screens remind us, all over again, that we live in a terrifying, unsafe place. How do we cope with that? How do we move on? How do we live?
David had an answer to that. "In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for You, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."
Our hearts can still be broken; I don't think that's wrong. I don't think it's wrong, either, to acknowledge that there will be times when we'll be terrified of the things that happen in our world. But that terror shouldn't be the thing that we remember. The thing that we should promise "never to forget" is the fact that our imperishable souls are held and protected by an all-powerful, all-loving God. In Him, we dwell in safety.
Pray for the peace of those in grief today; pray to be given that peace yourself. Pray that God will put an end to violence and protect the innocent. And pray that we, as a nation, will become a people who never forgets what is True.
People always talk about where they were when they heard what had happened that morning, or when they saw the story unfold on the news. My memory of that day is very different - I came downstairs to get breakfast, and found Mom on the phone in front of the TV, weeping. I don't remember what was showing on the TV - just how my mom looked as she watched. In a way I feel guilty about that; it's like every American can remember what they saw and how they felt as they watched the Towers burn and fall, but I have no memory of watching it myself. As hard as I try to remember, all I can see is that silent display of human grief and compassion that was taking place in my living room. And as much as I grieve and sympathize with the people who lost loved ones that day, that is the image that I'll never forget.
Nobody on campus has even mentioned 9/11 today. I came back from lunch just now, turned on my computer, and had a Facebook newsfeed full of pictures and Bible verses and more slogans about "remembering". I've spent the last 45 minutes looking at those posts, reading articles, looking at National Geographic websites and photos from that day. My heart is broken for this world. It's impossible to understand why such horrible things happen; I can't even understand the things themselves.
It's necessary for us to be able to go on with our lives - we can't just be paralyzed by fear. But on days like today, it's difficult to think about just "going on with our lives" when the images on our screens remind us, all over again, that we live in a terrifying, unsafe place. How do we cope with that? How do we move on? How do we live?
David had an answer to that. "In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for You, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."
Our hearts can still be broken; I don't think that's wrong. I don't think it's wrong, either, to acknowledge that there will be times when we'll be terrified of the things that happen in our world. But that terror shouldn't be the thing that we remember. The thing that we should promise "never to forget" is the fact that our imperishable souls are held and protected by an all-powerful, all-loving God. In Him, we dwell in safety.
Pray for the peace of those in grief today; pray to be given that peace yourself. Pray that God will put an end to violence and protect the innocent. And pray that we, as a nation, will become a people who never forgets what is True.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Only One
I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. -Edward Everett Hale
On our first day, the head-honchos in the mail-room put little day-planners in our mailboxes. I suppose they were trying to get us off to a good start, being good managers of time and such. (Can't blame them for trying, can we?) I flipped through mine and promptly put it into my desk drawer (which has become, as Mom prophesied and as I denied, a junk drawer); I've never looked at it again. While flipping through it on the walk from the mail-room to my dorm, though, I came across a few quotes that framed the occasional calendar page. That one of Mr. Hale's really stuck with me. It is often said around here that Wheaton students are chronic over-achievers; thus far, I have no reason to doubt that statement, so I can understand why this quote is included in our day-planners. Once classes started, I quickly realized that it's really not possible to do all the reading for all my classes - or at least, to do it really well. So, as Kate would say, I've chosen my hills and cut my losses - I'm learning to, anyway. Don't worry, Mom and Dad, this isn't to say that I'm slacking off and resigning myself to bad grades. Quite the opposite. I'm merely realizing afresh that I am not a perfect person, nor a perfect student. But that's alright. I'm learning quite a lot each day - and probably just as much outside of the classroom as in. (Take that statement to mean what you will. Some part of whatever you just thought of is probably true.)
Oy, where to start? I've got a bad habit of putting off writing here until I'm too tired to do it in any good, creative way. The past week has gone incredibly quickly. Monday was a holiday, and I can't really remember what I did - I'm assuming it was homework. That's a safe guess for me these days. Tuesday was busy - after my Intro to Theater class, I went to a meeting for the theater department (which here means, everyone who is in/wants to be involved in the theater department here at Wheaton). The meeting was just a way of meeting people and getting information on how to get involved; especially in Workout, which is the core group of actors (actually, you can only be in school plays if you're in Workout) who make up the theater here. It's a group of 40, max, and you have to audition to get in. I auditioned on Thursday - but more on that in a minute. That evening I had dinner at the caf with some of the other theater Will-Be's (we hope) and seniors who are in Workout. We had a similar dinner last night, except at one of the girl's houses instead of the caf; it was great. I hope hope HOPE I get into Workout, because they're a great group. Being with them is the closest I feel to being myself and being home that I've felt in three weeks. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. After that dinner on Tuesday, I went to the first night of the Swing Dance Club. It was pretty fun - a little overwhelming because there were about 130 people, and a little boring because we spent two hours doing the basic step... but. I think it'll be fun once it gets going. Wednesday and Friday were full of classes, and the weekend was full of homework. Also, there was an instance of country line dancing/square dancing in the football stadium on Saturday night. And although I detest country music with every fiber of my being, I have to admit that it was fun. I even wore plaid.
Anyway, so Thursday was my audition. We were given two sheets of paper with a bunch of paragraph-length monologues, and told to memorize and prepare one. I had two days to choose, but I couldn't decide between three very different monologues.... which meant that on Wednesday night, I decided that I'd see what mood I was in when I woke up the next morning, and go with that one. Apparently I was feeling very angsty when I woke up, because I chose the most emotion-charged monologue on the list (which, in retrospect, I'm very glad for. Nervous energy pays off when you're supposed to have nervous energy, anyway). The auditions were done in groups of six - and between the six of us, we took an hour and a half. We each went up and performed the bit we had rehearsed - and then the director would talk to us a bit, and have us do something drastically different with the same monologue. Sometimes we had to do really weird things; sometimes just mildly weird. But with every one of us, the director was somehow able to pick out the one area we weren't comfortable with - and then he hammered at it to see what would happen. Each of us had to give our monologue five or six times, and it was totally different every time. Some people had to change character and motive completely, even if it had nothing to do with the speech itself. Some people just had to walk at certain points in their speech, or try to get someone else to walk to them. Me? I had to throw a pillow at a Workout-Senior whenever I felt like I "needed something" from her. Another time, I had to maintain eye-contact with her while delivering one line at a time; the director would clap when it was alright for me to say the next line. Sometimes he clapped right away, and sometimes he waited for almost a full minute, and I had to figure out how to convincingly fill the time. That was really difficult - and weirdly emotional. I felt completely drained afterward. But I think it actually ended up being almost better than the way I'd rehearsed it. I always seem to feel that way after acting - at least, after I feel like I've done it well. It's so rewarding, and so completely draining. There's nothing like it.
I find out tomorrow whether or not I got in. I've been trying not to think about it that much, but it's getting hard. There are 26 returning Workout members, which means that out of everyone who auditioned over the last week, only 14 will get in. I've been told not to take it personally if I don't make it; that a lot of people don't get in on their first year. But agh. I need to be in a theater community again. I need to have a home.
Anyway. What else? Over the last week I've thought of so many little things that I wanted to blog about, but now I can't remember them. Typical. Oh! Big news - it's officially autumn weather. I've been feeling it coming for about three days now, but today everyone was saying it - it's unmistakable, that crispness in the air. The days are still bright and sunny, but the hot humidity has been replaced with a cool breeze. Sometimes it's downright cold, in fact. I'm already starting to feel like a wimp, temperature-wise. I hope it's not a harsh winter, at least not for my first year out here. Anyway, it's perfect right now. Also, the leaves are starting to turn. Just at the tops of the trees, and only some of them - but it's definitely there. I can't wait - this campus will be breathtaking in a completely new way in just a few weeks.
The day-time is glorious right now, but the nights are nice, too. I think the cold breeze must be blowing the haze out of the air, because for the last couple of nights I've been able to see stars. I haven't really been able to see them since my first night here. On Friday night, I turned out my bedroom light and realized that I could see the moon and two really bright stars on either side of it, through my window. I wanted to know if they were planets, so I looked it up (apparently there are websites for these things!) and discovered that they were, in fact, Jupiter (to the left) and Venus (to the right). Crazy. I sat on the windowseat and leaned my chin on our windowsill and watched the three lights until I fell asleep.
That was a pretty beautiful way to go to sleep.
Oh, another nice thing - on Saturday I was in the library for a research workshop, and while I was emailing things to myself, I got a note from Dad. He told me to go to the library (surprise! I was there!) and he gave me the reference number for a book. So after the workshop was finished I hunted around until I found a book on Katherine Hepburn (labeled in bold red letters, "KATE", which made me smile). Inside, bookmarking a chapter titled "On Top of the World", was a picture of my family from many moons ago; in the picture, we're standing next to the "Welcome to California!" sign that we pass each time we go to Lake Tahoe. We're all in our heinously young and awkward phases (I am sporting a low pony-tail, braces, a tankini top and jean shorts, and velcro sandals), but it's still a lovely picture. That made me incredibly happy, by the way, Dad. I'm looking forward to finding other similar treasures in cleverly chosen literature.
In other news, I've figured out my mailbox lock. Gretchen had to help me again, but I think this time I've got it! Well, we'll see tomorrow, at any rate. In the past two days I've received a lot of school mail, but I've also received a letter from a young friend and a package from the Brubakers. (Including a painting of a penguin that is actually Kayleigh's foot! It's ridiculous, but I actually almost cried when I saw how big her footprint is these days. Stop growing, children!) So I feel loved.
In other other news... well, I don't know. But things are going better. Some days I'm overwhelmed, some days I miss people so much it hurts, but every day I find good things, too. I'm learning a lot about people - some good things, some bad things, a lot of stupid things... and I'm learning a lot about myself, too. (Ditto the good, the bad, and the stupid part.) I'm also learning to rely on God in a very new, practical way. Which is good and, I'm realizing, incredibly necessary to one's survival. So yes - college is teaching me a lot. Sometimes I even learn in my classes. ;)
Oh, okay. I'd be remiss if I didn't say this at least once in my time at college... university-bound kids: no matter how awesome the cafeteria seems during orientation, you WILL get sick of it after four days. Stock up on bread, nuts, and coffee while you can.
Also, potato chips. AGH. NEED SNACK FOODS.
It's midnight, and I'm going to go to bed. Well, I'm going to lay in bed and read The Odyssey. (We're almost done, by the way. I feel so much more accomplished and intellectual than I did three weeks ago.)
Goodnight!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
You wander down the lane and far away...
Today was a nice day. I'm incredibly tired and it's almost 1 AM here, so this will be short. But I feel like after yesterday, I owe it to my family to write a post and let them (and you all) know that things are starting to look up.
I went back to the OPC church here in Wheaton this morning. I'd intended on visiting a different church every week until I'd at least experienced each of them, before choosing one... and I may still do that in a future semester. But I went back to the Bethel for two reasons - three, maybe. The most superficial being that they have a shuttle that brings students from Wheaton to the church and back again. Secondly, it IS very much like my home church and after this week, I needed a little bit of home. Thirdly - okay, so there are four reasons. But thirdly, the teaching is very sound and the music is very beautiful. And fourthly, today they began a 15-week course in the adult Sunday school class on modern Roman Catholicism, and how it relates and differs to the reformed faith. I thought that sounded intriguing; the first class was, anyway. So I'm pretty sure that I'm going to attend the church for this semester, at least. But I don't know - the people there are so nice, and there's a good little group of Wheatonites who go there together, and I might just end up staying. We'll see. It was nice, though - after Sunday school, we all rode back to campus and went to brunch at the cafeteria together. For the first time in a few days, I didn't have to stress about finding people to sit with or worry about looking weird if I sat alone. It was really nice.
After that, everyone went their separate ways and I went up to my room to play guitar for awhile. Then Jon called me, which was wonderful - we talked for two or three hours. I read for a little bit after that, and then went to the little restaurant on campus (the cafeteria is only open for brunch on Sundays) and got a burger and fries to go. I sat on my favorite lawn until it got dark, and then wandered over to Evans. (Evans Hall is where I live, by the way. Not some guy's house.) I wasn't really sure what I was going to do with my evening, but I knew I wanted some coffee re-heated. So I poured myself a cup and went down four flights of stairs to the kitchen in the basement (where our only microwave is located, along with a few lounges, a piano, a foosball table, and the laundry room). In the kitchen, I found one of the girls from church, making herself some macaroni. We talked for a while until both of us were finished with our various comfort foods/drinks; once we left the kitchen, we continued the conversation while she did a few loads of laundry. We ended up just sitting on the floor of the laundry room and talking for about three hours. It was so nice! (Why is it that some of my favorite conversations happen while I'm sitting on some random floor with somebody? Weird.) She's one of the few people I've met who I really felt like myself with. (Something about that is very grammatically incorrect. But I'm too tired to figure it out... and you know what I mean.) I think the best part, though, was towards the end - there's a lounge right next to the laundry room, and at 10:30 or so, two music majors came down and started playing the piano and the trumpet together. They started with "When the Saints Come Marching In", which nearly made me want to kill them - but they quickly changed over to songs of the more classic-persuasion, like "Stardust" and "The Way You Look Tonight". And they were good. It was lovely.
Anyway, so it was a very nice evening. I'm happy that I've made a friend, and I'm happy that I have talented musicians living in the building. I'll have to make more late-night trips to the basement and see if they do that every night.
Also! I signed up for the swing dancing club here on campus. Booyah.
And now I'm going to bed. I didn't do any homework today, aside from a few pages of The Odyssey. So tomorrow will be properly busy. Yay for being busy! Goodnight, folks.
I went back to the OPC church here in Wheaton this morning. I'd intended on visiting a different church every week until I'd at least experienced each of them, before choosing one... and I may still do that in a future semester. But I went back to the Bethel for two reasons - three, maybe. The most superficial being that they have a shuttle that brings students from Wheaton to the church and back again. Secondly, it IS very much like my home church and after this week, I needed a little bit of home. Thirdly - okay, so there are four reasons. But thirdly, the teaching is very sound and the music is very beautiful. And fourthly, today they began a 15-week course in the adult Sunday school class on modern Roman Catholicism, and how it relates and differs to the reformed faith. I thought that sounded intriguing; the first class was, anyway. So I'm pretty sure that I'm going to attend the church for this semester, at least. But I don't know - the people there are so nice, and there's a good little group of Wheatonites who go there together, and I might just end up staying. We'll see. It was nice, though - after Sunday school, we all rode back to campus and went to brunch at the cafeteria together. For the first time in a few days, I didn't have to stress about finding people to sit with or worry about looking weird if I sat alone. It was really nice.
After that, everyone went their separate ways and I went up to my room to play guitar for awhile. Then Jon called me, which was wonderful - we talked for two or three hours. I read for a little bit after that, and then went to the little restaurant on campus (the cafeteria is only open for brunch on Sundays) and got a burger and fries to go. I sat on my favorite lawn until it got dark, and then wandered over to Evans. (Evans Hall is where I live, by the way. Not some guy's house.) I wasn't really sure what I was going to do with my evening, but I knew I wanted some coffee re-heated. So I poured myself a cup and went down four flights of stairs to the kitchen in the basement (where our only microwave is located, along with a few lounges, a piano, a foosball table, and the laundry room). In the kitchen, I found one of the girls from church, making herself some macaroni. We talked for a while until both of us were finished with our various comfort foods/drinks; once we left the kitchen, we continued the conversation while she did a few loads of laundry. We ended up just sitting on the floor of the laundry room and talking for about three hours. It was so nice! (Why is it that some of my favorite conversations happen while I'm sitting on some random floor with somebody? Weird.) She's one of the few people I've met who I really felt like myself with. (Something about that is very grammatically incorrect. But I'm too tired to figure it out... and you know what I mean.) I think the best part, though, was towards the end - there's a lounge right next to the laundry room, and at 10:30 or so, two music majors came down and started playing the piano and the trumpet together. They started with "When the Saints Come Marching In", which nearly made me want to kill them - but they quickly changed over to songs of the more classic-persuasion, like "Stardust" and "The Way You Look Tonight". And they were good. It was lovely.
Anyway, so it was a very nice evening. I'm happy that I've made a friend, and I'm happy that I have talented musicians living in the building. I'll have to make more late-night trips to the basement and see if they do that every night.
Also! I signed up for the swing dancing club here on campus. Booyah.
And now I'm going to bed. I didn't do any homework today, aside from a few pages of The Odyssey. So tomorrow will be properly busy. Yay for being busy! Goodnight, folks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)